Rainbows and Unicorns…or am I just delusional?

spew

As many of you know, I have often stated that I’m all “rainbows and unicorns”.

Yes, it is somewhat tongue in cheek. I am a naturally positive person but “rainbows and unicorns” tends to denote someone who is living in La-La-Land. Though, let me tell you, there is something to be said for La-La-Land! Everything is beautiful, people are happy, we randomly break out in song and  little critters are skittering about… It’s a nice place to be. But sadly, it is not my permanent place of residence.

Like many of you, my life is complicated.

Financially these past few years have beaten my family to a pulp. Medically, we have had at least one long term medical issue that threw a wrench in our daily (and financial) lives and then as that just started to get better, I broke my foot and haven’t been able to work for several weeks. Last fall, we got hit with Sandy which was probably a good month of daily insecurity, on top of what we were already dealing with. And right now, we are barely keeping our head above water, catching up seems  elusive and  typically, my husband’s anxiety levels fluctuate between orange and red on the “terror alert scale”.

Uh-huh…La-La-Land suddenly sounds very appealing doesn’t it?

A few years ago, before I started my whole “Reinventing Danni” mission, I think I would have marinated in misery. I mean, really, we went from middle class comfort and contentment with vacations and savings and 401ks… to debt to our ears, rationing food and praying the electric doesn’t get turned off before we scrape the money together. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not sharing this for a pity party (which I only indulge in for one day every three months…I pencil it in on my calendar). I’m sharing this so you can see how attitude is EVERYTHING.

I decided, some time ago, that even though everything was falling apart, I would not. Every time something went wrong, I trained myself to look at every negative situation as a life lesson that would only enrich and enhance our lives. Mind you, sometimes it takes a couple of days to figure out what that opportunity to grow is, but I’ll be damned if I don’t find it!! And when I do find it, I embrace it.

I broke my foot so now I can take the time to appreciate some precious moments with my children (where I would normally be working).

Woohoo!!!

I have time to look at my career path and adjust my dedication to learning new skills so I can be even more successful!

Yes!!!

I am developing a new appreciation of how much I underestimated  what my body REALLY can do and I’m excited to start a fitness program to take me to a new level of health!

Woot Woot!!!

I get to appreciate how wonderful my job really is because I miss it so much!

AWESOME!!!

It’s very easy to forget how lucky you are when you’re in the day to day and all these great things that I’ve learned in the past several weeks makes me realize that the mess that we are in today is temporary. There IS a glorious light at the end of the tunnel and I am being handed all the life lessons to make it work. I am going to be SO SUCCESSFUL!! Hell, I already am!

Do I live in the land of “Rainbows and Unicorns” or am I just delusional?

<shrug> Only time will tell. 🙂

~Danni

I Want To Be The Best!…if you don’t mind.

 

 

130418-114809

I am very competitive.

I had an inkling years ago that I was competitive. In the safe environment of my family, we jumped on each other as we tried to outsmart the other player…from basketball to playing a board games, it was aggressive and intense! There was an unbridled joy in trying to outwit your sibling, though I can honestly say I was not often the victor. (not for a lack of trying. LOL!) However, as I got older, I would not even consider competing in anything. Not in play, not in work, not in life.

If I was a pseudo-psychologist I might say that perhaps a fear of failure was a factor in this. Hey, fear of failure is pretty common and I’m no different!   No…I was afraid of what people would think.

Seriously.

Sensitive to a fault, I would worry about what people would say if I tried to be better than others. What if they laugh at me? What if they talked behind my back, eyes rolling in disbelief? What if I fail and I lose credibility?  What if they heckle me? Who the hell did I think I was?

This feeling spread in ALL aspects of my life. I would not try. I waited for things to fall in my lap. On the few times that I did try something it was juuuuuust enough to pass as mediocre, a C+. And believe it or not, I’d “ask permission” from people to do something out of the norm! It was like I needed people to say it was okay.  I’m feeling a little nervous even admitting to all this because, written down in black and white, it’s quite horrifying!

I can try to explore the causes  but, really, is it that important? I was tired of mediocrity! I was annoyed with being safe! I was sick of allowing other peoples opinions dictate how I lived my life! And let me tell you…when you hand over your power, THEY WILL TAKE IT.

brave others

So, one day,  I decided no matter what people thought, I would do everything in my power to be THE BEST at whatever I put my mind to. No more half- hearted tries. No more looking for approval before I acted. No more using my kids as an excuse. No more down-playing what I was trying to accomplish because I was afraid of what people thought.

The evolution from just 2 1/2 years ago is actually quite startling. It was not easy. In fact, my heart would pound a mile a minute every day! But as each day passed, it became a easier. I began to crave the challenge. I became comfortable with the idea that I may make an ass of myself but AT LEAST I TRIED! I  feel that, for certain people in my life, my failures were a chance for them to feel superior and secure in their own little lives. That’s fine.  Their opinions don’t touch me anymore because in my head, failure has become an OPPORTUNITY! I will learn. I will grow. I will try again. And I won’t be asking their permission.

~Danni

If you have any thoughts on the subject or would like to hear about something in particular, drop a comment!

Who the Blog Do You Think You Are?!

130421-090137

A blog.

My sister will be so proud.

I have been avoiding this for some time. If you know me “in person” you know that I can ramble on incessantly about just about anything. So, for the sake of public sanity, I have avoided a blog. But….

Lately, on my Facebook page (which is where all this began), my inbox was filled with questions of “How did you lose the weight?”, “How much do you exercise?” “What do you eat?” “Can you give me a sample menu?”….

This has been a bit nerve-wracking for me because I couldn’t answer them! Not without sounding like a fruitcake. <snort>  Sure, I eat old fashioned oatmeal or eggs with a dry stir fry in the morning but I also eat chicken nuggets and french fries off my son’s plate! I am most certainly not a paragon when it comes to eating!

And exercise? Yeah, sure, I put in my time. I’m not aggressive unless I’m preparing for something like a race (there’s a life lesson in that statement) but my philosophy is not so different from when I use to teach fitness classes back in the 90s…you had to pay me to workout. HA!

So with that being said, I cringe when I am told I am their “thinsperation”. <gag> Really…someone emailed me that.

Look, I love that I lost weight….I could stand to lose a couple more and gain some muscle but I’m not stressing out over it. In the end, what I think is my “Great Achievement” was the steps I took to redefine who I was! Those scary, heart-stopping steps when I was convinced that my only worth was that I made good looking babies… Yup. More difficult than any race or any diet.

So…..this is what my blog will be about.

I will be pushing my limits. Doing things that I’m afraid to do. Daring to be that woman that I always wished I could be!

I hope you find some inspiration….

~ Danni